tired but cant sleep.. a very long day indeed

Assembling new kulintang and base angklung instruments is a hassle. Unloading them from the lorry is no sweat, We've got workers to do that. Its the assembling of wheels, racks and moving them from the ground floor to the store room, which is located at the third floor, that makes it tiring. But like any hardwork, there was some rewards.

I went to Macperson Primary at 9am to assemble the kulintang and angklung instruments that have just arrive. The whole thing ended at around 1pm, after which I have to go to Parry Primary. Lessons starts at 2pm, thanks to Abang Omar who gave me a lift, I manage to reach there by 1.45pm. But still, the tiredness was wearing me down. Worse still, the searing heat made it more unbearable.

The funny thing is, I'm now tired but unable to sleep. I feel a bit fresh after a long shower. I'm hungry but too tired to walk to the kitchen and get myself a decent food. I'm getting more lazy as the holidays goes by. Results for the posting is this Friday. Crossing my fingers as the day gets nearer. I want to go to SP, the Biomedical Science course is really interesting. Its another question when I ask myself if I will be able to cope. For now, its the getting in part that's making me anxious. Coping with it, well only time will tell.

Tired, lack of sleep

I have been too tired to update my blog daily. I guess all the late nights is catching up on me, especially when I am required to wake up early in the morning due to Parry's morning classes. A brief summary of my weekends.

Sentosa outing was fun, although the number of people was much smaller than expected. So much for having 50 people coming. In the end, only 14-16 people came. Despite the small number, it was still fun. The food was nice, especially Yan's Mee Goreng. There were drinks as well but due to the free 100 Plus drinks offered at the 7-11 store, there were 2 bottles not used.

After the outing, some of the boys decided to go to Downtown East. Azri wanted to challenge me Winning Eleven 9. Upon reaching there, the game was booked. Hence, we decided to play pool. Then, we head down to coffee express for our dinner. I reached home around 12am and woke up at 5.55am the following day. The day before, I slept at 3am and woke up at 8am.

The apparent loss of sleep has made me sleep the whole day. Well, technically that is. After coming back home from the morning class, I slept till 12.30pm. Then after I came back from lesson, I sleep again. So basically, I spent my day sleeping except when I am working. And when I only work 2 hours per day, it can be said I slept through the whole day.

Ryan Cabrera

PHOTO- Ryan Cabrera

A photo can say a thousand things
But it cant say the million things i wanna say
A photo can capture the way we were
But it cant capture the way we are
Cause you're far away

What it's like to know you
What it's like to touch you, yeah

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You cant tell me you dont need me
And i know that hurts
Cause im looking at your picture
Cause its all i've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

Timing lost minutes and moments
Yeah i might be lonely girl
But im not afraid
In a second it all comes right back to me
No nothings forgotten now
Yeah everythings saved

What its like to touch you
What its like to know you, Yeah

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You cant tell me you dont need me
And i know that hurts
Cause im looking at your picture
Cause its all i've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

You were my life
You were my faith
You gave me hope everyday

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You cant tell me you dont need me
And i know that hurts
Cause im looking at your picture
Cause its all i've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

forgetfulness

I just remember that tomorrow is my parents anniversary. It's their 19th anniversary as a married couple. Actually, it was more like being reminded of their 19th anniversary. Well, even their birthdays I do not remember. Usually, I will wait till someone in my family makes a big fuss of birthdays. Then I will realise that someone's brithday is coming.

Hmm, I wonder what to give for their anniversary? Does a 14 point for 'O' Level sounds like a good anniversary gift?

a common life

Life is pretty much common nowadays. Every week the same routine save for the weekends when I go out with my friends. When I say life is common, does not mean that is has been boring. Teaching does have its perks, every practice something different will happen. Either the students lack concentration, they are more focused or they are able to play the song well. Everytime, the students will show their mischief which in a way, makes them just plain playful, cute but annoying.

This week marks the restart of the UEFA Champions League. Hence, it has become a norm to wake up at 3.30am and watch soccer matches. This week was no exception. The two matches shown live telecast was entertaining to say the least. Arsenal won Real Madrid courtesy to a Theirry Henry goal. And this morning, Barcelona beat Chelsea. Finally, a team beat Chelsea at their home turf. I certainly enjoyed watching the matches, but then I find myself curse myself for watching it as I find it hard to stay awake while working. Contradicting but hey, I'm just human.

This sunday the Siglap Youth Alumni(SYA) will be organising an outing to Sentosa. I'm looking forward to the outing since its been quite a while I last saw the rest of the Sec 5's.

Strangely enough, for the past two days I have been quite cheerful. For unknown reasons, I find myself humming. No longer I spend my quiet times resting on my bed reflecting or contemplating about how life is so far for me.

Last night, someone ask me. Why people who get good results act so modest about it?

In other words, she is referring to me and some of my friends.

Well, If I were to tell the whole world about my results and boast about it, then people will find me boastful and over-confident. I don't mind if people boast about their results as long as they have the grades to back it up. Then again, if I were to tell people that I will confirm get into my first choice but for some reason, I did not, then I will certainly feel embarrassed. Hence, the modest attitude.

I understand that sometimes, people find it irritating because that person scored so well yet he is putting himself down. I also felt irritated before when my friends who have scored so well for their prelims tell me that it is still not good enough. But I guess, its better to take the modest approach rather than being bossy. If things turn sour, that bossy attitude might be the source of a new profound joke circulating among my circle of friends.

Morning greeting in the toilet

'If I see you along the aisles or at the lobby, I'd be glad to pay my compliments. But it's the gents we're talking about. I don't want to be walking in with one hand on my zipper and, as you take a piss, extending to you a cheery "GOOD MORNING, SIR".'

Alzheimer's joke

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers. "Hello." "Mrs. Ward, please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Smith at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward. "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Alzheimer - A neurodegenerative disease, is the most common cause of dementia and characterized clinically by progressive intellectual deterioration together with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. The most striking early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifest as minor forgetfulness that becomes steadily denser with illness progression, with relative preservation of older memories.

past weekend

Saturday was spent with a day's outing at Orchard with my friends. My intentions of going to Orchard was to buy a pair of shoes which I purchased at Beach road for a small price of $19. Its a light brown shoes, similar to converse but its not. Before going to beach road, we make our way to Far East Plaza. We were browsing through the shops when a price tag for a seemingly expensive item caught my eye. A playstation portable on sale for $250! The playstation portable is selling at $548 nowadays and the cheapest I could find before that cost $450. Thus the $250 price tag amazed me and I left that store with a deep longing to purchase that playstation portable.

After Far East Plaza, we head to Peninsular. Yan browse some guitars while I look for my shoes. We had our lunch at Burger King, talked and joked for quite a while. Our topics mainly covers school, results, poly and the sentosa outing. We did mock about some people, the usual stuffs. Then, despite our just-eaten-lunch, we walked all the way to Bugis where Saidil bought his bag. Prior to that, he was deciding whether to buy a beg at Far East. It took quite a while to finally make the decision of not buying a bag and what a good decision it turns out to be as he bought a seemingly nicer and better-looking at bugis for a third of the price at Far East.

If walking from Peninsular to Bugis is not enough, we walked again from Bugis to Beach road. Only this time, we do not know the way thus we just keep walking straight. I kept looking at the concourse building as a sign of direction since the concourse building is near beach road. I bought my shoes at Beach road, Raziz bought his shirts, Ashaari bought his slippers.

Sunday was spent at Johor, signing documents can be really tiring and long winded.

But your not!

'I mean, if you were special to me like the skirts and blouses I'm chasing, I'd be on my best behaviour. But you're not. Hence.'

Hey moron!

If someone yells 'Hey moron' from behind, you don't turn around to say 'Yes, what?' or 'I'm not a moron', or even to rough him up. Else, you'd be showing that you ARE one. Unless, of course, you're vain and absurd enough to think he's referring to you.

words to speak

I'm at times saying here what I'd wanted to say as a teenager but couldn't bring myself to find the words. Because if I don't say these things I can't move on. And one's patience is rewarded. One gets better at it by the day.

One's self

The suggestion on one's writing:
'Build the drama on and around the dialogue. But write first the sentence. Then see what it is: dialogue or drama; or belonging to a character, the persona, or to you the writer.'

'One grows more and more of the belief that none can live outside of oneself, something one pretends hard to disbelieve.'

Picto personality test

The Picto-Personality Test You are a person who is incredibly tranquil and values peace above all else. When alone, you appreciate being able to do nothing if you want to, and setting your own pace for things. You are laid back. Anything goes, with you. In the future you will be happy and live richly.

Read it slowly, its important

Have you ever...............

.......... Start a day with nothing but the greatest hopes. The focus of having high expections of things that matter but higher expections for thing that don't matter.

.......... Find a place to hide from the things that scare you, the things that make you loose your mind and the things that pushes away.

.......... Hear nothing but hear the beat of your heart, the "ticks" of a watch, the whistle of the wind until......... there is silence until......... the lips for your focus opens.

.......... Feel so free of the chains, the weight, the worries, the problem and........... fly so high, so far, so gracefully, so calmly.

.......... So deceived by what is seen, what is felt, what is sounded and......... had to pay for it.

.......... Walked alone in the rain where no one is beside you. Where droplets water is dripping for your clothes, rivers of water flow down your skin and tears of water roll down your face. And only shadows just brush you by.

.......... Walk into a room filled with familiar faces, warm faces but......... still feeling cold.

Young lovers on Valentine's Day

Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know they are in love. On Valentine's Day they decide they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.

"Mr. Smith," says Johnny, "me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking this was the cutest thing, Mr.Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

"In Susie's room," replies Johnny. "It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then, how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."

"Our allowance..." replies Johnny. "Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

"Johnny," he finally says, "it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

"Well," Johnny shrugs his shoulders, "so far we've been lucky."

SP first choice

I have finally submitted my course application. My first choice is Biomedical Science at Singapore Poly. The reason why I choose Singapore Poly rather than Temasek Poly is due to the specialisation areas. Singapore Poly specialise in Medical and Cardiac technology, which interests me the most. Temasek was my second choice followed by Republic because it is easy to get there from my house. I'm confident of getting either Singapore or Temasek poly.

So much for going to poly with my friends since I am the only few ones who choose Singapore poly as the first choice. When I mean few, its like only 2-3 people. Most of them choose Temasek poly as their first choice. Probably the reason being it is nearer and Singapore poly is so at the other end of Singapore. Oh well, when pursuing any endeavours, its best to follow my interest first rather than my friends. Besides, its not like I will neglect them even though we might not be in the same poly. Singapore is a small country, thus staying in contact with each other will be easy since the introduction of computers and handphones.

For the past week and yesterday, I have been going out everyday and coming home late. I just hope my parents are okay with it and does not ask too much questions. I do have freedom to go wherever and whenever I want, but I also do realise to spare some time with my family. Maybe I won't go out too much during the weekdays for this week. What's confirm is, Saturday's outing with my friends and to buy a pair of much-needed shoes.

sp or tp?

Yesterday went to support Yan at his gig, his band The Derst played 4 songs. I particularly like their original song, Girl On TV. They claim the girl on TV is actually Fiona Xie. Anyways, their band played quite late. Raziz, Nadiah and her sisters were also there. After the gig, Raziz and I proceeded to downtown east to meet up with Azri, Fairuzi, Faris, Samsul and more. End of the day, reached home around 12+ in the morning. Upon reacing home, changed my clothes and started reading the JAE booklet for Poly courses.

Before, my mind was set on Temasek Poly. Now, its torn into 2. Temasek or Singapore poly? I already made up my mind on the type of course that I want, Biomedical Science. After reading the booklet, I finally realised that the area of speciality is quite different between the 2 poly. Singapore poly offers medical and cardiac technology. Temasek poly on the other hand focuses on Biotechnology and Pharmaceutical technology and science.

The part where I ask myself if I can cope on the courses, well I decided to ask myself that question only when the going gets tough. Hopefully my tonight or tomorrow I will be able to apply for the course since I have till wednesday to apply. The upside for TP is the close proximity to my house. Well not that close but still its one of the closest poly from my home. Upside of Singapore poly is the type of course, medical and cardiac technology. It sounds quite interesting. Downside of course would be the distance. Its way right at the other side of Singapore, Dover.

A few days has passed since the 'O' Level result and more or less the feeling has finally sink in. I am able to think straight without feeling too overjoyed. Of course everytime I think about my results, I will be smiling widely. Haha, its a satisfied feeling.

Thinking back, my English result was expected. I knew I cock up a bit hence the B3. Maths was also expected although I think I could get an A2 instead of a B3. Science was a surprise. I expected a B4 but ended up with an A2. Humanities was a B4 and I'm quite happy about it. The one subject I was totally surprise about is POA. I got a B3 when I expected a C6. During the exams, all my accounts did not balance. Even my balance sheet was unbalance. My bank reconciliation I wrote nuts about it. I guess I'm lucky thats all.

Post 'O' Level results

Alright! Here I am once again, just came back from J.B. We went to eat at a seafood restaurant called Damai Seafood Restaurant. The food was nice, especially the sweet sour fish and prawn. The Tom Yam soup was okay for me, its a bit too sweet and not spicy enough.

Anyways, I still can't get rid of that excited feeling from the 'O' Level results. I sometimes have to pinch myself to see if I'm really awake or dreaming. Looking back at last year, I have to admit that never in my wildest dream, I imagine myself getting this type of result. Afterall, my prelims was not well done. I failed my physics for prelims, my humanities was a gone case, my POA practically sucks because I had no interest with that subject and my maths was just improving.

But now, I manage to pass all my subjects with a minimum of B4. To say that I was surprised will be an understatement. To say that I expect myself to do well for 'O' Level, I will be boasting. Frankly, I just know that I am able to do well for any test. Its just that I'm lazy and I don't want to spend the whole time cooped up in the room revising my schoolwork. I can gladly say that I did have fun during secondary school.

When teachers said that graduating students should constantly revise throughout the year, I didn't. With Cest'La Vie and SYF happening early last year, I spend most of my time with the SNO. Even after promising myself to study after SYF is over, which of course I did not abide, I still failed my Mid-Year Examinations. I can be called as someone who only show his ability when he is needed to. Somehow, after getting good results during my early secondary school years, I find that there's no point in scoring well for every test because in the end, its the 'O' Levels that counts.

I may fail during my entire time in Siglap, but for the 'O' Levels, I can score. Of course this kind of mindset is not good and I won't encourage you readers to follow. Constant revision is still the best policy. I guess I'm just lucky to be getting such results. Now, I'm hoping of getting into Biomedical Science. Which poly I'm still not sure, probably I will wait for my friends to make up their minds. We may not be attending the same course, but atleast we will be in the same poly.

'O' Level results

I'm just going to make this short and sweet.

L1R4=14
L1R5 + CCA Points=16

To summarise it all, I'm overwhelmed with joy with my results. I never expected to do this good. My initial aim is below 20 points for L1R4. I only wished to be eligible for Junior College.

Biomedical Science for TP! I'm quite confident of getting into that course. Furthurmore, I scored a Distinction for my science. Oh well, that's all at the moment. Right now, I'm just overwhelmed with different emotions. Better get ready now, heading to J.B with the rest of my families. My uncles and aunties will also be present.

I will keep you guys updated after I have settle down and be able to hold anything without my hands shaking. Haha, its a great feeling!!!

pre 'O' level results

In just a couple of hours time, I will either be satisfied or disappointed. Which one? Only time can tell.

To some, today will be a day of recognition. Their hardwork for the past 4-5 years will have finally paid off. To others, today will be a day of reckoning. Will our laziness and defiant attitude of not revising our schoolwork constantly come back to haunt us?

Which one of them I am? I guess I'll find out in a couple of hours time. To those who smsed me last night and early this morning, I want to wish you a great thanks!

old people

LITTLE LADY: A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER: 80-year old Bessie bursts into the recreation room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

jokes

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither ofthem wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many wordswomen use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."The wife responded, "Allow me to explain."God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.God may have created man before woman,but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

nonsense quote

The quote; " If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they are yours. If they don't, they were never yours to begin with." is utter nonsense. I saw the quote in the internet and it really is a stupid quote. Only someone so gullible and ignorant will believe such a thing.

If you love someone, hold on to them. Never let them go, cherish them because such a person only comes once in a lifetime. Then again, never confuse love with infatuation.

The clown fish and the puffer fish

This is a story between a clown fish and a puffer fish. It was a strange friendship. Okay, not so strange. Just unique.

You would probably think that a clown fish, just like its name, is always clowning around. You're right. So just like any other clown fish, this was no exceptional fish. It lived up to its name. For now, let's just call it clown fish.

So the clown fish met a puffer fish when it went around swimming in the ocean one day. Mind you it went deep sea diving. Deep down where sharks are found lurking in the still waters. Normally the clown fish doesnt swim there. It sticks to somewhere near the shore. Where its friends are.

Back to the story. One day the clown fish decided to swim far out to the ocean. To go where none of its friends had ventured. It was a very curious fish. So it swam past a coral reef when it caught a glimpse of a strange looking fish. It had spikes on its body. Now, the clown fish didnt know that it had just met a puffer fish and that the spikes were a defense mechanisism for the puffer fish. So being friendly, the clown fish went to say hi. It took a while for the puffer fish to reply the clown fish with a hesitant hi.

Now a bit more about the puffer fish. Being wounded emotionally, this puffer fish did not trust any other fish/jellyfish/sea-horses or any other sea creature in the ocean. You can't blame it though. This puffer fish had been through alot. I mean really alot. So it wasnt its fault that it was kind of anti social and kept mostly to itself right? Over time, it became a fiercely strong and independent fish. Which was good in a way and also bad in some ways. I mean, however strong and independent you are, you can never lead your life alone. You can't ward off people. However bad life had been, there are some people, i mean fishes, who will definitely be not anything like those sharks it had met? Am i right to say that?

What had happened after the meeting of the clown fish and puffer fish?They became friends. Well that was a long story as you know, the puffer fish took a long time to trust the clown fish, and the clown fish, well it can be insensitive at times as it took things lightly most of the time. Still, the course of nature kept them together or should i say, they kept themselves together?

Things were not always a bed of roses, excuse me, a bed of sand and shells. They fought over stuff. Small things though. And then they made up and were back to being normal.

However, this clown fish had a problem. It was a little selfish. It had high expectations of its friendship with the puffer fish. It wasnt a very independent fish to start off with. Loneliness was something that was a choice to it. Either you choose it, or you dont.

Just when things were going smoothly, the clown fish SCREWED everything up.

Now for the ending of the story, you would have to stay in tune.

And please pray that it has a happy ending yeah?

Pursuit on the meaning of life

The pursuit on the meaning of life is universal and eternal. In all the history of man no consensus has been made on this subject. The thought then occurred to me, perhaps there is not just one meaning to life. After all, even a single word contains multiple definitions; thus life, which encompasses all words, would no doubt contain more than one answer.

I have erred in hoping to seek meaning from a universal point of view, like how man hope to track space and time absolutely. Space and time is relative so must be judged from a reference, and this is how i came to view life and its meaning.

The meaning of life depends not only on the point of view, but also of the time. i believe the basis premise of life is the ability to change, influence, reproduce, and survive. The first two factors are closely related, one is the ability to change oneself, the other is the ability to change others or the environment. The last two are equally related. Reproduction is the survival of one's gene and survival is the preservation of one's life. Looking from this way, life at its most basic is change and survival.

The meaning of life then is how we define those two basic things. People view survival differently. Some find family and the continuation of gene to be utmost important. They find meaning in love of family. Other find spirituality to be utmost important in survival, thus they emphasize on religion. Then there are others who think true immortality can only be found in their work, thus projects were built, books were written, and great tombs are constructed. Some find survival in friend's memory and find meaning in that, so they judge friendship important.

Since there is not just one answer, I don't have to declare one truth over the other, I don't have to just pick on meaning and live by it. I may find family more important on New Years Eve, I may find Friends more important on their birthdays, I may find my projects important during work hour. Meaning of life is dependent upon time.

It is also more than that. Life itself is limited by time. If I have eternity then I would find my priority very different from if I have just one more day to live. So partly, the meaning of life is determined by time. An 80 year old man may tell you honestly of the meaning of life and it would not apply to you. Some wisdom is only true when you are at the right stage to receive it

Busy, Lazy, lost of words and future sentosa outing

Its been a while since my last post. I have been either busy, lazy or words can't express what I have been feeling for the past few days.

Let's start with the busy part. I have been busy not only with work, but other miscallaneous stuffs as well. One thing that I realise is, being reliable has its pros and cons. People will look up to you when they are in need and people will still look for you even though they can handle their own problems. Although I try my best to accomodate to their's and mine situation, sad to say, some I had no choice but to ignore. Okay, maybe its not like I don't have a choice. Its just that I'm too lazy or I just can't be bothered.

Which brings me to the second part, the lazy part. Its no surprise to most that I am a lazy person. It takes a lot of persuasion and convincing for me to do something which I do not actually have to do but is asked to. Usually blogging, I'm not that lazy but nowadays its exceptional.

The next part which is the 'words can't describe what I'm feeling' part. There comes a time, in everyone's life, when things gets so out of control till you can't describe or know what exactly we are feeling. As for me, during the past few days, it has been a mixture of anger, sadness, disappointment and a mixture of content and discontent.

Today, after soccer went to the beach again. This time round, with another group of friends. This coming February, 26th February to to be exact, the Ex-students or current Siglap Youth Alumni members is organising a sentosa outing again but this time, expected turn out will be in the fifties. I wonder how they are going to plan it, I'm just there for the fun of it that's all. That's if I'm going, much depends on my 'O' Level results which many say is going to be release on 10th February.

Craig David: I just don't love you no more

Craig David: I just don't love you no more

For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately
you've been acting so cold (didn't you say)
if there's a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don't want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly game
don't think that I'm the only one here to blame
it's not me who's been going round slamming doors

That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you're gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it's too late to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I've made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

I know that I've made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn't make sense to me now that you're gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you're gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it's too late to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I've made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don't love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you're gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it's too late to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I've made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

heat and predicament

Its scorching hot today. When it was raining everyday, we complain about the wet weather spoiling all our plans for the day. When it shines oh ever so hot and humid, we curse at the weather. Well, atleast I do.

Saturday's trip to Ngee Ann polytechnic is still being planned by Raziz. I have a strong feeling that Nadiah will not make it. I don't know, I just have that lingering feeling. Call it ephiphany or intuition, I just feel she will not come.

Speaking of feelings, have you ever felt being on the wrong end of certain things? Like for example; You wish a certain someone to call or sms but didn't. Then, someone whom you do not want to sms or talk to did so. Guess I am having that kind of predicament right now. So what did I do?

I wait for the certain someone to call or sms and totally ignore that someone whom I do not want to talk or sms to. Oh how I wished to talk or sms to that person soon.

you speak of love but you know nothing about it

The proposed outing to Changi was cancelled, reason being its 'awal muharram'. In other words, it marks the New Year of the muslim calender. Similar to chinese Lunar New Year. Hence, as a sign of respect, we decided to not go out. Hasanna proposed an outing to Pulau Ubin this Sunday. I'm not sure whether her plan will be realised or not because Ubin is such a hassle to go to in the first place. Okay maybe not that much of a hassle but a boat trip is required and if the girls usually cringed about going to nearby places such as Compass Point, I can't imagine them going to Pulau Ubin. But anyways, that's the plan thus far. On saturday, there's the Ngee Ann polytechnic open house. After that, we probably might be playing pool or just hang out.

Today is work as per normal. SYF is coming soon, about 2 months away. My 'O' Level results on the other hand is about 2 weeks away if the rumours are true.

The past few days, my mind was filled with my friend's remark. Not that the remark was meant or targeted at me, it just got me thinking.

'You speak of love, but you know nothing about it'. Well, my friend probably deserved it. Although it is not related to me, it kinds of reminds me of myself. Yeah sure I can talk about love, look at things from a different point of view which people sometimes can't look from.

But to know love, one must experience it. Love cannot be understood simply by reading a book or watching other people pursuing or strengthen their relationships. It has to be felt, and to feel it is to experience it. The same can be said about me.

I have been single for about 4 years and I am enjoying life. Sometimes, I do feel lonely but then the feeling just fades away when I am in the company of my friends. Yet, being single I was able to write or talk about love as if I have experience it. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I know nothing of love simply because I have yet to experience it. Infatuations do not hold a candle to love.

Hence the truth is, I do not know anything about love. I just give my opinion about people's problems from my point of view or I would tend to make the person realise what is the right thing to do. In other words, browbeat them in making the right decision although it might sound or look wrong.