Who am I? Who was I? Who are YOU?

Birth, death. It happens to most of us. But what happens in between?

I personally, can only comment on what affects me, but hopefully in such a vague and broad manner that it can apply to more than just me. So yeah what have you got to lose besides time and sanity?

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Forget what we're told

I don't quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They're not enough

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes

Things always happen for a reason or rather everything has a reason. Either way, some reasons might be known to us while others just appear invisible to the naked eye.

If everything has a reason, then I'm sure memories has its own reasons. Probably to remind us of our mistakes or remininsce the good times. If doing a particular something reminds us of someone, I guess its fine. Even if I know that this particular memory will never be repeated, I should take comfort to the fact that I can share the same experience with someone else. Heck, it might even be better.

Ever have days, weeks, months maybe even a year or two where you can don the big sunglasses and frumpy clothes just so you can hide out. Living this dormant lifestyle not knowing where my life journey is going to take me, not understanding where I am or where I am supposed to be. I guess we all have times like these. I wonder when is mine?

Every day we wake up. Some of us go to work, others work from home. Some of us are searching for a job while others are supported in different way.

We wake up. We might shower, eat breakfast, down a cup of coffee , brush our teeth and dress ourselves for the day ahead. Some of us have pets to attend to, plants to talk to, children to care for, spouses to kiss or some other family member to acknowledge.

Yet with all this activity, you may be alone in your thoughts.

Have you ever sat back and 'checked' exactly what those daily thoughts are. Some are kind and tender while others are mean and cruel. You check yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth. You think, "hmmm... wrinkles...getting old".

You glimpse at yourself naked in the mirror and you may shake your head in disgust. You may think, "damn I look good" or "what a sexy girl/ guy I am". The realm of thought is endless.

I write this now detached from the words. We impose ourselves with hurtful words and wonder, I wonder what the little person inside of us, ever did to deserve all this. I'm here left alone with all my thoughts.

Is this what it is like for all people? Do we all have this tendency to beat ourselves up? Am I all alone in this? Maybe my problem is I don't reach out.

I don't know what to say to people, I don't know how to show need. I don't know how to be heard. I long for that person that just knows me, that can read me. But what I want isn't possible.

Is it? I don't know.

I wish I had that connection with someone. I have friends and family. I am connected to them by blood and time. Sometimes I feel like its emotionless. Other times I am caught up by the day to day. Till I get caught up in my head again and realize there is nothing really there.

Inside the mind of a composed facade.
Everything to him is a game, even life. Life is like a board of chess.
The board is set, the pieces are moving.
And if a piece is taken away, it doesn't matter. He still got more of it.

But what if he lose a 'treasured' piece?
Do the curtain fall and applause be heard from the emptiness?
He might have lost a piece, but is it the most 'treasured piece'?
Only time can tell

For his sake I hope not
There's more to life than the game itself
Because in the end, its not about winning
Its about finding his true self, no matter how intricate life is

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.

You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it.They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

Love, just can't seem to live without it though. With that said, let's dance!

Why do the simplest things fascinate me? Watching the lower darker clouds pass by the white high ones. Just fills me with so much thought while I watch them. And questions, it's great to watch though.

I guess I like a lot of simple things. Just standing in a doorway, watching the rainfall. Hope its raining on the way home! Drip drip drip. So close to it all, but detached. And not just from the rain, but everything. No one else is here, just the pitter patter of rain falling. It's like I'm in my own little bubble.

Oh by the way, I have been watching the moon for the past few days. And it was beautiful

You better believe what I say
You better hold on to your promises
Because you bet, you'll get what you deserve
So much for your promises, well it does not matter anyway

Oh, all the promises we made
All the meaningless and empty words
Oh, all the promises I made
And all the ones I broke

What of all the things that you have taught me
What of all the things that you would say
Cause tearing them out is just not right
I'm just throwing it all away

Being alone is not exactly what I was expecting.

I am realizing I need other people around, and I need noise. I am so used to the constant laughing and talking, the quietness now seems absolutely foreign. It feels like I am dreaming. You know those dreams where you know where you are, but there is something out of place that you just can't put your finger on.

And then when you wake up it is glaringly obvious and funny. It's like I am in that dreaming stage where I haven't figured out the oddities quite yet.

You know me, or you think you do
You just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time
To be something I can't define

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
Not our last days of silent screaming blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think just do
More than anything I want to see you girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Fear that at any moment the earth will disappear beneath my feet and the fear cripples me. Then shock takes over for I've never been crippled. In all those years I was able to walk and run as needed and now, why now am I terrified?

I yearn for which that might never be mine at all